Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Suppressed emotions?

I'm tired of being in this club. It's reminiscent of my AAA membership. I keep saying I don't want the Westways mag... I thought I had cancelled my subscription but the magazines had continued to arrive, unbeknownst to me--growing mold on their soggy-unread-ness. The customer service reps never friggin' cancelled. Damn it. They said they would, my account was noted, but my credit card continued to get billed annually. If only I were more on top of my credit card spending, I'd have noticed.*
My tidy little infertility hope chest 0' memories, which I had neatly stored away in the recesses of Grandma's Attic in my heart, has become my Pandora's box of crap strewn about.
Suppressed emotions.

I can't even share w/ you my "lemonade" result about my blood type. After calling the RE and while on hold, listening yet again to their one and only "on hold" song, Dannyboy (my FIL's song for my DH--could I possibly dig up any "good luck" hidden meaning in there? Somewhere?), the nurse I spoke with last night who was like a deer in headlights about trying to communicate in English, told me the Dr. was giving an US. She could have been less specific and put it many other ways that would have not had my mental picture invade that woman's privacy, but again, that pesky language barrier hindered her ability to use the word, "busy." As in "Dr. Li is busy at the moment." That would have worked.
Frustrated with all the time wasted unsuccessfully TTC thus far and passive aggressively taking it out on the nice nurse.
Suppressed emotions.

As this was my second attempt to let the clinic know that my CD1 began yesterday (it wasn't really about pestering them to rock my world with my newly learned blood type so I could tell you all what type I have leaking out of me [Ooooh. See. I was being so "good" trying to avoid indulging in my sophomoric gross-out potty "humor." As witnessed here, I employ all sorts of "techniques" to keep those emotions suppressed]), I didn't feel like holding and I didn't feel like calling back. I asked her to have Dr. Li call me at his convenience. I can wait. I have a whole cycle to wait. Except I am wondering about the baby aspirin. For now, I'm quitting those too. Just taking the PNV at the moment. Well, those and the extra round of antibiotics they've got me on to treat my "walking pneumonia" which they'll confirm I've had on Friday.
Frustrated that my first visit to the ER didn't provide me with the proper drugs and attention I needed for my violent cough BEFORE the transfer took place.
Suppressed emotions.

My chin-up-self from yesterday has dissipated and instead has been replaced today by my lump-on-a-log-nursing-my-severe-cramps-with-a-heating-pad-self. Yes, AF decided to kick my ass after all... muttering something about not liking my burnt cooking. Bitch.

Suppressed emotions?

*Behind on managing our personal finances? Yep, there's the true culprit. When I don't stay on top of my responsibilities, that's when I see depression lurking around the corner. The Sassy Ms. AF's crampy, crotchety ass be damned, I'm dragging my butt into my (home) office and crunching some numbers tomorrow, damn it.

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