Tuesday, January 6, 2009

That elusive functioning fertility. If yours works, please don't abuse your fertility privileges.*

*Wow, kids seem to be kinda disposable here--and mind you, we're in Taiwan (R.O.C.), not to be confused w/ China (so I don't want to hear "No, Duh!").

These are shots I took on Saturday before we found out our BFN results. Yes, there's the metal dome of death-by-playground-romping, but even more crazy, mystifying, and frustrating to see are how very many children and babies are transported here on the family scooter sans helmet (at least in this photo, they're suited up, if not locked down). I realize I'm speaking from a cultural opposite; where in the states, we'd bubble wrap our children daily if we weren't afraid it would cause their death-by-suffocation.

They really do count on that baby cartilage doing its thing a la, "the bouncing baby." (I remember something from my high school physiology class [outside of how the human reproductive system allegedly works. I have to say "allegedly" as I really don't know first hand. I mean, they tell you lots of things in school that weren't true. Like, uh, that classic about getting pregnant the first time you lose it. {My overused covering-the-pain-joke during these TTC years has been, "Oh, if only I were perpetually high on crack and a sophomore in high school, I'd have been Michelle Duggar by now--except replace the crack-smoking with bible-thumping."}])*

I woke up to AF arriving this morning. When I got back to bed (yes, though the Coughing Gods conspired against us, we're sharing our marital bed again!) and filled Dan in, he didn't know how to react to comfort me - he was trying to gauge my reaction first. I told him I was thankful. He breathed a sign of relief. We'd already gone through plenty of grieving about this cycle not working over the weekend. And the next hurdle I needed to be anxious about was when AF would arrive so I could wait another month till I get it again, theeeen after Chinese NY, we can start our FET round - somewhere around Valentine's Day. (Need to read up on how many of our 13 we should thaw for the transfer [doing 3 at most] while leaving enough on ice should we need to have a third [and final] FET. I'm sure our RE has a plan, I just like to arm myself w/ as much info as possible [CF!. {Does Mel have that one on her list?... Control Freak!}].)

Prior to our transfer on this failed cycle, and in case my OHSS was TOO blown out to go through with the transfer, Dr. Li showed us his most recent successful FET after a failed OHSS IVF cycle--she was pg. just 2 months later. I'm glad he showed us, it'll keep my hope rallied.

So thankful I am. Plus, it's not nearly as painful as my last cycle while on Lupron. So instead of waiting to get confirmation of what I knew to be a BFN result from the clinic,** then going off the progesterone, then wondering when and if I'd get my period anytime soon, I've been kindly relieved of that anxiety by getting my visit from The Sassy Ms. AF Thang this morning.

Moving on. Already losing the insane weight-gain (upwards of 15 pounds at my peak) from spiteful IVF #1. I hold no grudge though, IVF #ONE, as you provided us with those 13 potentially viable frozen embryos--and for that, we thank you. Looking forward to taking my pathetic-parading-around-my-apartment-in-my-new-made-in-Taiwan-boots to the great outdoors. (Alright. I'm not that pathetic. I'm trying on Dan's instructions for story tellers: "Never let the truth get in the way of a good story." But I just couldn't bear HOW pathetic a picture of myself it depicted. Call me vain, couldn't do it, sorry Sweetie. I am, however, still carrying on with the frizzy, in-much-need-of-product hairdo. Still got that going for me.)

*http://www.duggarfamily.com/ (HOLY JESUS! God giveth [ridiculous fertility] and he taketh away [Where do I begin? Starters: Common sense. Intelligence. Ever heard of global warming Ma and Pa Duggar?])

**Since we got the 1% beta on Saturday, combined with a belly US last night showing my ovaries are almost back down to normal size (yippee!), I was convinced the only pertinent info I'd get from my 2nd blood draw was fin-al-ly finding out my blood type! There's my lemonade for cycle #1. That, and the LUCKY 13.


  1. Sometimes, a period is a kind of catharsis, the signal that the end has truly come and things can begin again. I remember wishing it would end with my ectopic this autumn, so I completely and utterly understand your relief at AF's arrival.

  2. Hi - Just found your blog via Cycle Sista and wanted to say (1) sorry about your BFN, and (2) very interesting reading about your experience in Taipei. My husband has family there so I have been, but it was a condition of our marriage that we never live there. Too many people and too many smells for me. Can you imagine walking through some of those markets with morning sickness? (shudder)

    Sounds like you have a ton of embies on ice -- best of luck thawing them and taking them out for a spin!