Friday, December 12, 2008

Parenthetical morning musings probably best left in my head

(Wet the bed last night.* Much like my little Lu - Tallulah - when she's having a bout with her bladder issues. Ok. Well, kinda. The Gonal-F shot did such a number on me last night so that after feeling like two lead x-ray blankets had been draped over me somewhat subsided, I got ready for bed. I remembered my retainers, but forgot to create my make-shift, mid-life diaper for ladies - I neglected to add an additional surfboard to my disposable granny panties. [Yes, Paris, you read that right. Grannyfuckingpanties. They really are ill. Not "illnana" ill, just, you know, ill. But functional as all get out. I buy disposable white cotton panties {gotta love that word} here b/c I flew here 24 hours before I thought I would {retardedly misread my itinerary} and didn't pack my own gorgeous French lacy ones. Don't worry. I don't dispose of them 'till they're good and holey.] Woke up with a lovely reminder of the fact that I haven't reached menopause yet. YAY! No really, yay. It's a good thing I'm still bleeding. I need to wait for Dan to wake up before I can get in there and clean up after myself. Awww. It IS like the pets are here with me. Then I ran through my head all the tenants we've had rent our furnished places, taking inventory of who stayed where and what deposits they may have left behind on our mattresses. Nummy. My inventory came up good. Except for the guy who openly read Playboy. You do the math.

*And you thought I was gonna say it was the night sweats.)


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