If we want to stick around, every day must be EARTH DAY.

It's Earth Day!!! Earth Day DAMMIT. This day has been around awhile. Going on about 4 decades. Almost my entire life. And guess what? We've done kind of a piss-poor job heeding the call. What's it gonna take, People? I mean, c'mon... I'm simply an infertile woman over here--never going to be bringing a kid into the world. Though admittedly (and I previously have) I was fairly conflicted between my drive to procreate and parent my own bio child and the fact that our poor planet hardly needs another mouth to feed.

Hey, here's an upside to being a non-mom... If I use more than my fair share of paper towels, I've got the perfect greenie (albeit hypocritical) comeback: I didn't have any kids. I didn't ADD to the carbon footprint beyond myself!

I don't intend to alienate those readers busy fighting the good IF fight, or those who fought and won, or even those who are raising another's bio child as their own. I don't hold it against humankind that the drive to procreate overrides the reality that our planet can only sustain so many people before it starts to implode. Anyone hear of "maximum capacity"? Not a new concept and fairly self-explanatory. But we humans are who we are. We have needs, we seek to fill them. We're a pretty indisputably selfish creature as creatures go.

I'm writing this in the same awareness-raising vein with which I've become all too accustomed. Since I've lost my main subject matter--the PROCESS of TTC--I've been struggling with what approach I want to take with this blog. Obviously I've become an unwitting member of the Infertility Awareness club. Sure, we in the club didn't choose to suffer the inequities we deal with from this medical malady, but suffer we do. Suffer in silence? No thanks. I've got no compunction to get in people's faces about the trials me and my sisters have been through. I try not to be too vitriolic, but I refuse to lie or be silent. It dishonors myself and the 7+ million/14+ million worldwide who deal with the blows IF blithely tosses our way. The silence gives "victimization" power. That said, unlike infertility, global warming affects US ALL. It's not about percentages affected, I'm talking our species. I hope I'm preaching to the choir. I do. I fear I'm not.

I'm stressing the importance of this day to cajole those of you who may struggle with the inadvertent apathy your busy lives present. Or perhaps the apathy stems from the reality that the depth of our need to improve our environment is, in fact, overwhelming and depressing. It is. That's all there is to it. But change CAN happen. We have President Obama to corroborate that sentiment and fact. Change happens with each person... and with each new person brought into this world, we can effect the change needed by how they're shaped. This change is everyone's responsibility to implement. But you, you my dear readers who are lucky enough to parent, YOU hold the key to the future of our species and this planet surviving.

So I remind you to remind yourselves and loved ones: DO SOMETHING. Effect change. You know, cause and effect and all. Change your friggin' light bulbs to those lovely corkscrew-looking babies. The habits you create sans children will be well-entrenched by the time the stork plops them in your long-awaiting laps. If you've already been so blessed to be parents, START GREENING YESTERDAY. Those little sponges will follow suit. Everyone's behavior DOES affect everyone else. We are all interlinked because essentially, we're all stuck on this big blue orbiting spherical island.

Still don't feel like making sure you rinse that aluminum To Go container for the recycling heap? Read the news lately? Not pretty. Polar bears tragically drowning as they find their weight unsupported by the dissolving ice. Seasonal changes with unprecedented weather fluctuations. Searing heat, frigid winters, tornadoes, hurricanes, landslides, oh the list goes on.

Annnd... wait for it... species dying off at an alarming rate.

Perhaps we who are unable to procreate are simply ahead of a curve we can and must curb?

Now, go grow a drought resistant garden, plant a tree, recycle, turn off lights, walk for errands, bring reusable bags to the grocery store, write manufacturers to use less packaging, boycott brands you don't believe in + support the ones you do, mitigate your carbon footprint and rise above apathy so we can give a future to those embies/babies/children you're trying so hard to bring into this beautiful world.

Always photo finishes in Sci-fi

Haven't been sitting around popping the bon-bons moping about perpetual bad hair days ahead. But have been sitting around in front of the computer working on my pet project: Go Greenify. Got AF on the 9th in the AM so started the 0.1cc of Lupron on day 1 and will continue that dose everyday until CD9. Then started the estrogen 2x/day on day 2. Had blood drawn for FSH on day 2, yesterday. Finally discovered my LONG awaited result... Blood Type: A+. TaDa. Earth shattering. (Have I mentioned they don't wear the latex gloves when they do blood draws here?!?!? I mean, they didn't even prior to finding out I'm NOT HIV pos.!) Now I'm on CD3 and I'm practically done w/ my period. HUH? Hasn't been this light since I was on the pill. Anyone know if this is normal after IVF?

Back to Go Greenify... If I AM going to be bringing a kid into this world then now, more than ever, I'm compelled to do everything I can to help make it a better one for them. I intend to continue to mitigate the additional carbon footprint that mini consumer would be contributing to. If it doesn't come to pass, then I'm helping mitigate the footprint of our new niece we still have yet to meet in person. "If it doesn't come to pass..." I'm starting to accept that by being a pragmatist, it doesn't mean I'm not a hopeful person. I mean, I'm decorating my womb for Christ sakes! That's hopeful, right? I just naturally acknowledge reality. And the reality here involves statistics. Statistically speaking, our chances aren't too promising.

If we were locked into fully buying the statistics, we wouldn't have come this far. Which leaves me to delve beyond the world of pragmatism, into facing something I like to simply refer to as LUCK. That unquantifiable alignment of events beyond our control--events that we have the hubris to hope actually come to pass.

What exactly are we Heathens doing trying to employ this little thing called hope, faith, belief, throwing spaghetti at the wall and seeing if it sticks?

We're TRYING. Trying and failing is way the hell better than not trying at all.

But then I'm left with HOW hard are we going to try? Well, harvesting then ICSIing a bunch of eggs is trying pretty fucking hard. But there's more. This part. The hope + faith + belief part. This mental leap of faith part is the toughest for a realist. So admittedly I'm back to my aforementioned struggle with HOPE. Honestly don't think I'm wired for that to ever go away--which is not to be confused with my being a pessimist. I think I'm just the opposite. Case in point, working in the "green" world is playing my part in hoping we improve Earth's environment. Is optimism the same thing as hope? Is hope the same thing as faith? Wasn't the catch phrase on the Sci-fi show, X-Files, "I Believe."? And didn't they always make it out of their down to the wire scenarios? And didn't Scully, the NON-BELIEVER, finally believe at the end of the series?

Ironically, as we're undergoing science fictionesque treatment (c'mon. injecting the choice sperm into surgically harvested eggs...), I'm finding myself using tons of Sci-fi analogies. Here's one: When I'm feeling boxed in and as if I'm losing my battle, I feel like I'm in the trash compactor that Luke and Princess Leah were panicking in as it was threatening to squeeze the life out of them... But theeeeen they manage to get out just in the nick of time and they move onto their next adventure--stinky, but alive and hopeful they'll conquer their next challenge.

Well, that's how I'm feeling right about now: Hoping for my Sci-fi-impossibly-close-call-with-doom-only-to-have-a-photo-finish-win.

Someone give us some lube. Oh wait. Maybe not... (click to link)

...isn't that created with some kind of petroleum by-product?

Have I mentioned how very THRILLED I am that Obama won? Cried the whole day (November 5th over here). My tears shouldn't have surprised me too much. It was the time of the month where I could easily weep over old episodes of Friends (C'mon, who didn't cry when Chandler and Monica got engaged?). We had donated to his campaign, tried to sway on-the-fencers (will never understand that kinda of indecision...apathy?), and made sure to mail our ballot in early so we at least got to take some part in his winning. But crap, PMSing while celebrating such a monumental turning point in history all alone was...

Kinda lonely.

Sure, I got some Skyping in w/ friends and family, but it just wasn't the same as making lots of obnoxious noise w/ fellow American revelers.

So instead of cheering elatedly in the streets with others (in the States. Not here. Not too much revelry here. Although we did have a few taxi drivers ask, "Ni Meiguoren?" [You American?] and we'd nod then they'd animatedly shout, "OBAMA!" with a huge grin and a thumbs up.) I was transfixed watching CNN Intl's broadcast, with tears of joy unrelentingly streaming down my face. Swimming in my strong urge to express my excitement, I was compelled to show him some sugar from my isolated 6th floor apartment in Taipei.

I made 44th President Elect Barack Obama a mixed tape hoping he'd be my boyfriend.

Here's the compilation:

1. Enter...Hot Curry: Madlib
2. I'm Gonna Sit At the Welcome Table: Hollis Watkins
3. Men Of Good Fortune: Lou Reed
4. Everything Is Broken: Bob Dylan
5. Jesus Walks: Kanye West
6. For What You Dream Of For What You Dream Of: Bedrock - Trainspotting
7. All Here and Now: Martin Luther King, Jr. - The Best of the Speeches
8. #9 Dream: John Lennon
9. We Shall Overcome: Freedom Songs - Selma, Alabama
10. Hallelujah: John Cale - Basquiat
11. This Little Light: The Freedom Singers
12. Here Comes The Sun: The Beatles
13. A Dream, A Dream, A Dream: Bert Jansch
14. Give Peace A Chance: John Lennon
15. If You Can Dream 50's: Lena Horne
16. Praise Him: Udaipur Convent School Nuns and Students - The Darjeeling Limited
    
17. Ten Things: Paul Baribeau
18. Young Americans: David Bowie
19. Here Comes Your Man: Pixies
20. It's A Good Day: Peggy Lee
21. Somewhere Over the Rainbow: Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Alone in IZ World
22. Move Away and Shine (In a Dream Version): Tim DeLaughter
23. Smoke Circle: Madlib

Ah. I felt much better after pouring my enthusiasm into creating my ode of love to Mr. Obama. I noted once it was complete how many songs were from the 60s/civil rights movement peak (yeah, and? duh) and how many had a savior/religious slant. You know, we're far from religious folks, but I found it interesting that's the direction I went.

Which leads me to relate the following thinking:

When we started seriously evaluating the viability of pursuing IVF treatment here, Dan and I had agreed if the outcome of the election extended the world's expiration date, we felt like we could kinda justify bringing another kid into a world. Yes, we felt this election was that important.

Hallefrickinlujah.