I can't say I'm even cautiously optimistic. I'm just going through the motions, following orders, getting rest (oh, so much rest!), bossing Dan around, and glad at the end of the day we will have at least tried--whatever the news may be. That's not to say if we get disappointing news today, I won't be balling.
Except I'm not exactly sure if we're going to find out anything conclusive today. The transfer was only a week ago. After we were done with our 4 hour jail time (no--looks like I'm just not letting that one go), I was hungry and we couldn't get out of there fast enough so when the nurse handed me my little instruction sheet which says at the bottom: clinic 1/3 before 12:00 PM, I didn't delve into it. Figured I'd get my answers soon enough. They probably just want to shoot more PIO in my ass to support my home vag. suppositories/pills regimen. And maybe I'll get to have another of those fun Albumin drips. But here's what I'm secretly hoping: They have some magic here in Taiwan that cuts the 2ww down to a 1ww.
Then of course... if it worked (though pretty certain we won't be magically finding out any HCG info today) here is but a small sampling of my fear list:
- Miscarrying (but perhaps putting so many in there will mitigate a "loss"?) naturally
- Miscarrying due to getting an amnio (yes, I fully intend to have one)
- Amnio results that we'd ball over
- Health--For all involved
- Side effects of simply being pregnant w/one, let alone possibly twins
- Giving birth
- How the new baby will affect/change my marriage
- Being a mom--the hardest part of it all.
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