Organizing frenzy. OCD much? Um, yeah.

Hard drive kicked it. Totaled. Mostly everything was backed up. Only lost bookmarks + that's what Google is for. Best thing that could have happened for my heightened computing pleasure. Have memory galore now. Been busily reorganizing my computer files. Have taken the computer organizing into the real world. Finally wrapping up long overdue crap I've been creatively avoiding by blogging in detail about the minutiae in my life.

So while ya'll get caught up reading said nitty gritty, I'm getting caught up filing away.

We're entering our last month here. Trying to emotionally prepare for the laundry list of unknowns fast approaching. Expect AF to drop in for Valentine's Day. Looks like this cycle is back to its old long self. We'll probably do the FET in the 3rd week of February, let 'em bake, then fly back a week or 2 later. No, not ideal. But then again, doing a second IVF/FET round isn't either.

Still working on that elusive optimistic HOPE thing.

Have I mentioned I miss my precious Z? No, don't mean Zeke. Though I miss him tremendously. And Tallulah. HUGE. I'm referring to Zoloft. Miss it. On it, that's my normal. My normal isn't normal nor has it ever been...

Anyone who has read more than one or two of my posts is more than privy to my OCD, etc. crap. My friend who has been kindly and loyally following my blog sent me this. I wanted to share. She's not an "infertile," is actually a new mommy, and has never been on these drugs. Yet she GETS it. Not just the mental struggles, but the infertility as well. Moreover she's able to articulate it. She's an amazing + insightful person. And I'm lucky I get to count her as one of my dearest friends and have her in my life. Plus, she makes an insanely good cup of coffee.

I may have sent you this before, but I am trying to get caught up again on your blog (funny how [baby] makes "reading" a too time-consuming activity) and your post reminded me of this one on Dooce.com:

http://www.dooce.com/2007/12/13/because-i-couldnt-say-it-phone

She is a Sister-in-Arms when it comes to Head Meds (from your blog post). Drugs (therapy, whatever) aren't indications of weakness. If they help you to have a happy fulfilling life then they are a success. AND (my two cents), the fact that ANYONE seeks them out and stays on them (or with it) in order to make their life livable, shows that they have great strength and courage.

I've told you before she's one of my favorite bloggers (in addition to you now)! She's just has a great perspective on life, given the life she's already lived. I'm behind on her posts too. Hmph. I'll be caught up one day with all my favorite bloggers and vloggers. Actually, this year. New Year's resolution!

Smooch.
Say "HEY" to The Surfer for me!

-k