Monday, March 9, 2009

Ever been on the brink of success or utter failure?

A universal experience, right. Well, the butterflies had been smacking our asses around all day today as if we were awaiting our award placement in a heavy duty competition--a marathon, if you will. This. Has. Been. One. LONG. ASS. race.

Called the lab after 3:00 and their response was: .59. No conclusive answer. She said they'd know for sure with the 2nd beta. The point is throwing me off and the doctor doesn't get in until after 5:00. Any of my few and beloved readers have a clue if this is a decent or shitty number? I keep reminding Dan and myself the news won't take anything away from what we've already got. It will only mean we won't get that icing.

Of course I've hit up the little person behind the curtain, The Internet, but am still confused by the damn POINT 59. Last time, our first IVF, for beta #1 the doctor mentioned 3, or some equally hopeless number to send me straight to the soft cheese, coffee, and vodka. The BFN was confirmed the following day by AF.

Though still holding my breath to see if we'll get to take home the trophy, I did win an award today. I was kindly nominated for a Sisterhood Award by Mrs. Joyner--put a nice big smile on my face. I'll follow up, posting later with the proper protocol when I can breathe again. Quite honored. Thank you, Mrs. Joyner.

So. WTF does .59 mean for our first beta, dammit?!

I have one answer at least: it means we must wait until the 11th for our 2nd beta. What's 2 more days after 7 fucking years?

I hate this. I hate this whole fucking process. I hate being infertile and I hate that I can't get pregnant like a normal woman. I hate that there are idiots who can get knocked up their first time and women who get knocked up after having their tubes tied. It's not fair, it's fucked up, and I hate it. And I'm OVER IT! OVER IT! Yes, I hope this time it worked, of course. Then we're onto a slew of other worries. But from what I've read, if I AM pregnant, 59 is about average for a singleton on the first beta. Don't trust that assessment as I am apparently kinda very retarded reading these sorts of numbers. There's a reason I never pursued anything involving science.

I could go pee on a stick. Maybe then I could at least see a couple of those damn lines--however misleading they may turn out to be. I could call the doctor after he gets in. Then we can hear conclusively that we're fucked on this last round of ours. Or not. Maybe I'll pull an ostrich and just wait. If there's any hope, I don't feel like being defeated with our equivocal reality. We'll find out conclusively in 2 days. 2 days.

Just 2 more days.

If we do get Gavin, we're so renaming him "Consolation Prize."


  1. I have no idea if the number is high or low. Math isn't my thing either. I do know though, that I have had 2 friends be told they were NOT preggers early on, and ended up with babies in the allotted gestation period, so who knows?

  2. I have no clue what the point means. I've never heard that before. I hate this too. I hate it for you and for me. It just sucks. I'm so sorry you have to wait two more days. But, there is hope, right? I mean, they didn't say no. Gah.

  3. WTF? I haven't heard of any fractional hCGs, though who knows... Could there be a language issue at play here?

    I'm sorry you're in limbo. It's the worst. I'll be thinking of you over these next 48-odd hours and hoping this works out.

  4. Ef the effing effers! Hang in there!

  5. Hi, usually a lurker here. I've done three fresh IVFs and one FET in France (I'm French), all negative, and also had two spontaneaous pregnancy (sadly, miscarried twice).

    I've never heard of a fractional HCG either and I'm also inclined to think that it's a language issue, since HCG is expressed in standard units, everything under five meaning no pregnancy.

    Since the lab seems to think the number is ambiguous, I would guess that what they were saying was really 59 (without the point). Some labs, especially when they deal with spontaneous pregnancies as well as IVF, don't like such "low" levels : most of the time, women come in for bloodwork well after their missed period, i.e. more than 15 days after the conception, and are expected to have betas well over 100.

    If I counted right, you had day 6 blastocysts transferred on march 2, with would mean that you're at day 13 post fertilisation today.

    The betabase site gives a median beta of 62 for that day and another (French) site an average of 50 with lowest normal possible at 10.

    It would look like you're well within the normal values for a singleton pregnancy. Of course, what matters now is the doubling time. If you're around 120 in two days, everything's good!

  6. I agree - I think there's a blot on the paper in front of your actual hCG number, and it's really 59. No doubt it will become clear with the next beta...


  7. I'm rooting for nassima's assessment!

  8. I like Nassima's thinking myself. Got good vibes back this way!

  9. Agree w/Nassima..Im super ready for tomorrow so we can find out..I miss you being quiet..Sending extra love and HOPE your way..You SO deserve this!

  10. I don't know a damn thing about numbers -- all I ever got was a straight "negative." Meanwhile I'm keeping all fingers and toes crossed, and will remain uncomfortable in your honor until you report the second beta. It's the least I can do...